so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
