don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
