Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
