And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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