I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
