I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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