On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
