He disabled his match.com account in front of me
im having a threesome with these popsicles
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
