Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
