Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize