I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
