There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
