my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
