How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
