They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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