Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Randomize
