Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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