Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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