You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
