Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize