uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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