Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
