It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
