planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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