You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
