I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I didn't notice because vodka
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
