I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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