so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
