You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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