Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
