I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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