i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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