i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
