Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize