I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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