Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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