You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You are a genius and a whore.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
