Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My feet surprised me
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