i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
