i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
