when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
