Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
