Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
