I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
