I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
