and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
