and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
