Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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