I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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