he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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