her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
