he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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