I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
