I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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