that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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