You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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