Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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