the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
