Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize