Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
