and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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