Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
