every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
