we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
