Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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