so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
