shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
