Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
These tits shall not be calmed
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