I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
