Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
