I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
