tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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