This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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