I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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